I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
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Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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