i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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