We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize