Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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