Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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