Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
