I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
