I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
