yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize