You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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