the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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