and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
