My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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