nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
