I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
