Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I would fuck him just for his dog
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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