Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
