What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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