Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize