when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
