when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
