Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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