i think i have two assholes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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