It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
