you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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