you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
