I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
