im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
