Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
