Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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