she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
