non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
