Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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