im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
