I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
