After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
