I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
