I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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