He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
