My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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