sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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