I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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