good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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