1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
