Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
