it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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