Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
