I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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