Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In other news, I just burned my penis
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
