Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
