He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
