Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
sex in a hospital.. check
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize