Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
