Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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