Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
