Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
high people should be assigned attendants
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
