This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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