what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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