you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
