guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
