he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
