i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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