I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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