I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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