i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
