I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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