you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
