Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
