Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
COCAINE IS GR8
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
