atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
two words...techno handjob
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
