Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Houston, we have a blender
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
