just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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