What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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