I want to have your abortion
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
