this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
