forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
