I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
