I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
