so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
