My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
