Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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