its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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