U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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