I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
