My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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