Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
